Transforming Through Yearnings: The Journey from Personal Satisfaction to Social Contribution

The Power of Yearnings

In each of us lies the potential for profound transformation. This transformation isn't just an abstract concept; it's deeply rooted in the very desires that drive us. These desires, or "yearnings," are the catalysts that push us to move from states of dissatisfaction to satisfaction, ultimately enriching not only our lives but also the lives of those around us.

Recognizing What We Truly Desire

Desire is a powerful force that propels us toward the life we envision. These yearnings are deeply human—they’re the need to love and be loved, to be seen, to matter, and to make a difference. Our yearnings aren’t just abstract ideas; they’re intimately connected to our emotions—fear, hurt, anger, sadness, and joy.

One of the most essential skills we can develop is the ability to recognize and name these yearnings. Once we identify what we truly desire, we can begin to engage with those desires and envision a more satisfying future. For instance, when I first encountered a list of common yearnings, many aspects of my life suddenly made more sense. I could recognize my feelings and then discover what would bring me true satisfaction. This realization opened up new possibilities, and my visions of who I could become became more vivid and attainable.

Yearnings as a Catalyst for Personal Growth

Recently, I've been connecting strongly with yearnings related to excellence and fulfilling my potential. At first, these yearnings showed up as dissatisfaction—feelings of sadness, hurt, and anger. But as I allowed myself to fully experience and express these emotions, I realized that I was yearning for something more from myself. This realization pushed me to take my commitments more seriously, whether in my writing, physical well-being, or work with clients. This dedication has allowed me to elevate my efforts in all these areas, and it all stems from identifying and embracing these deep yearnings.

A Client’s Transformation through Yearnings

A client of mine, who I've worked with for about two years, also experienced a profound shift by identifying his yearnings. About six months ago, he recognized a deep desire to feel close and connected with others, rooted in longstanding sadness. This led him to visualize having a group of friends with whom he could share adventures, like vacations. This vision was incredibly moving for him, and it motivated him to make changes in his life. Recently, he returned from a long weekend trip to Las Vegas with a group of new friends and reported that the experience was fabulous. This transformation was possible because he engaged with his dissatisfaction, identified what would satisfy him, and made meaningful changes in how he lived.

The Will to Meaning and Personal Beliefs

These yearnings and the movement from dissatisfaction to satisfaction provide evidence for what Viktor Frankl calls the "Will to Meaning." Frankl explores our drive to create a meaningful existence and suggests that our deepest desires can be seen as questions demanding answers. How we respond to these yearnings defines our journey in search of meaning. Frankl asserts that our most foundational concern is finding and fulfilling meaning in life.

But how do we answer these questions? The beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us are the answers we've formed over time. A key aspect of personal growth involves identifying these beliefs and reshaping them to better serve our satisfaction. Alfred Adler, a prominent psychologist and contemporary of Freud, believed that adults could change their unconscious behavioral patterns by uncovering and correcting what he called "apperceptions" and what we might call limiting or mistaken beliefs. By replacing these limiting beliefs with more empowering ones, we pave the way for transformation.

Rewriting Our Stories

I have always wanted to write a book. This yearning is rooted in my desire to make a difference, to achieve excellence, and to be effective. However, this desire has historically been hindered by a belief that I don't follow through on my commitments. I'm currently in the process of changing that belief by committing to disciplined self-expression. This conceptual shift has led me to change my behavior, and by writing consistently, I'm generating new evidence that reinforces my identity as a writer. As a result, I'm becoming a person of influence and excellence.

Similarly, my client, who yearns to be close and connected with his family, has experienced significant hurt within his family and formed beliefs that make it difficult for him to connect, such as "My family doesn’t see me" and "I’m a burden." He has identified these limiting beliefs and is now experimenting with new ones, like "I am a gift" and "I am allowing myself to be known." These new beliefs are accompanied by corresponding behaviorial changes, such as sharing his feelings and preferences with his family. As he practices these new behaviors, the new beliefs will take root and become part of his character.

Yearnings as a Path to Social Interest

In both cases, we are engaging with something within us that calls out for satisfaction. This drive naturally brings us into relationships with others, where we not only find our own satisfaction but also begin to positively impact and contribute to the lives of those around us.

This phenomenon aligns with what Alfred Adler describes as "social interest," which is an interest in furthering the welfare of others. As we pursue our yearnings and grow into the people we are capable of becoming, we develop stronger and more meaningful relationships with those around us. It becomes a natural consequence of our personal satisfaction that we begin to see how we can also satisfy ourselves while serving the groups to which we belong.

Personal Growth Leads to Social Contribution

For example, during a recent rehearsal for a show I'm in, the group and the choreographer were struggling with a dance problem. In the past, I might have hesitated to offer my thoughts, either out of fear of not being heard or to avoid disrupting the group dynamic. However, this time, I used my sense of belonging in the group to confidently propose a solution. The solution worked, and my contribution helped move the group forward.

Another client of mine is currently engaging with a desire to take on more responsibility at work. She recognizes how satisfying it would be to tackle new challenges and how beneficial it would be for her organization. Despite facing resistance from her belief system, she is determined to close gaps and better serve her workplace, which is a clear demonstration of social interest.

Conclusion: The Intertwining of Personal Satisfaction and Social Interest

In conclusion, engaging with our yearnings as part of our search for meaning naturally leads us toward greater social contribution. Our universal human yearnings drive us to transform in ways that benefit not only ourselves but also humanity as a whole. This process takes our search for meaning to new levels, where personal satisfaction and social interest are intertwined in the pursuit of a meaningful and impactful life.